A few years ago, Wade was Publisher for a national magazine. I was so proud of him, he really was a master of many trades. I helped to refine his image by constantly harassing him and correcting his slang English. I dragged him to New York City and took him to all my favorite stomping grounds.
In New York City were stopped on the street by a well dressed gay couple who asked if he was from Colorado. After the swooning couple departed Wade asked me in astonishment how they had pegged him for a Colorado boy. I told him that his 70′s ski coat was a dead give away. He reprimanded me for not bringing his tweed jacket and consented to buy a new wardrobe from Barneys. I was very amused as I watched the sales clerks swarm around him admiring his wide shoulders and tapered waste.
Wade humbly accepts that his good looks and Western charm attracts men and woman alike. It has been a work in progress for me to appreciate all the oohs and aahhs that are exhaled as Wade walks by. The real test came when I visited him at his office and met the four femme fatales that worked for him. “Ooooh”, they would gush, “We love Wade. He is great eye candy”. I caught a glimpse of myself in the reflection of the window as I stood amongst these single, lonely, needy bodacious women and decided to join a gym.
Reluctantly, I walked in to endure my first punch on my pass and get my abs working. I looked around at all the locals that I had successfully avoided all these years. Was this a joke? Sometimes I really feel that somebody is messing with me. Trying to remain positive, I ignored the cold, industrial feel of the gym. No flowers, no warm paint, really bad erotic art showing parts of the muscled body and lots of smelly, staring locals. Is ten minutes enough? Note to self, do not blindly buy punch passes again. I decided to stick to the fresh outdoors and begin the same nuts, berries and vodka diet that Wade’s harem were probably on. I truly believe one has to be slightly nuts to be tiny. Apparently, not my kind of nuts.
[...] stop in their tracks to watch him walk through the snowy mall in his tweed coat and seen a gorgeous femme fatale bedecked in fur and jewels smiling at him from afar but there is more to Wade than meets the [...]