On November 4th, 2001 my little Scorpio, Axel Grey, was born. He was not only named after Axel Rose from Guns and Roses but also after Axel Merckx the famous Belgian bike racer. Up until I was on the birthing table, in the midst of labor, I questioned Wade and his decision on Axel’s name. He was adamant that Axel was far superior a name to Sebastian which was my choice. He insisted that Sebastian would grow up with a skip in his step and flowers in his hair.
Axel had SVT at twelve days old and gave us quite the scare. I rode with him on the Flight for Life jet plane from the Aspen Valley Hospital to Childrens Hospital in Denver. We stayed at the hospital for four days in full panic mode wondering if our brand new baby was going to pull through.
Finally we brought him home connected to an oxygen tank. He had been completely traumatized in his early stage of life and we did what we could to start anew and bring him as much love and comfort as we could muster. Brevitt fell in love with his little brother and held his little hands all day.
When Axel was two he followed suit with his older brother and climbed out of his crib forever. No longer would he wake up to bars. Not wanting the boys to be afraid at night, we developed bad sleeping patterns which we rue to this day. Wade and my love life would never be the same again. I still never know who is going to be in my bed when I wake up in the morning.
Raising two children was difficult and lonely but oh so manageable. Wade married me knowing that I was the third child and that I was determined to also have a third child. For a while I let him believe that he had convinced me that two was enough. When the time was right, Superbowl Sunday 2004, I bought him three quart size margarita’s and led him to my lair in our Mexican Palapas. Tucker was conceived that night on the floor of the tiled bathroom while the boys slept in our one king sized bed.
Axel took care of me when I was pregnant and warned Daddy not to squeeze me or the baby would pop out. After Tucker was born I started to understand the middle child syndrome. Brevitt was five and old enough to play gently with Tucker and give him lots of love. Axel, being only three, showed Tucker his love by playing with him like he was a cupie doll.
Tucker soon had enough of the teasing from Axel and started to naturally gravitate toward Brevitt. Things have gotten better between Axel and Tucker but I watch how Axel suffers. I try to have precious moments with the boys individually but they are few and far between. Occasionally I take Axel with me on hikes and we find treasures together. He loads up my backpack with rocks and we place them in his own Zen rock garden.
We always bond when we have these moments together. Inevitably, when we return to the family, something will happen to annoy him and bring out his venomous stinger. One cold winter day, I had the boys come with me to our barn to look for winter supplies. Axel was holding the flashlight for me as we crawled up the ladder to the dark, freezing attic that still had a meat hook hanging from the ceiling. I was digging through boxes when suddenly everything went pitch black. I called for Axel and he was gone. Trying not to let my childhood fears take over, I started screaming for Axel to help me out with a light. Finally, Brevitt came to my rescue and lit the way for me to get down. I found out later that Axel was upset with me for not letting him open an old Halloween box. Note to self, let Axel do what he wants when he is assisting me in a haunted attic.
We have our weekly discussions where we agree to communicate better instead of getting angry with one another. It is a work in progress to remain calm as he absentmindedly leaves the door wide open in the middle of winter, tracks mud throughout the house, takes my pens apart, leaves a trail of tomatoes or cereal into the playroom, empties out his drawers of every particle of clothing while looking for one shirt, leaves his socks in wet clumps in all corners of the house, leaves a toilet paper trail out the bathroom and handcuffs his longjohns to the ballet bar where they sit for months until grandpa mcgyvers them off without a key. I have gone to numerous parenting classes to try and better understand how to work with my Axel. After an embarrassing class where I led the parents away from discussing their troubled teenagers to directing me on how to solve Axel’s sock problem, I decided to go to Walmart and buy three dozen pairs and forget my plight.
Lately, I have been putting Axel to sleep earlier than the other two. He gets so tired in the evening and really needs time alone with me. We go upstairs to read quietly together, a luxury that I wish I could enjoy with each one of the children on a daily basis. These moments with Axel, as he proudly sounds out each word, fills me with pride. I snuggle with him as he drifts off to sleep and find it difficult to leave the room. I wish that I could always make him feel so completely loved and safe. I can’t stop kissing his sweet, soft little face. I inhale his scent and his breath and try to make these moments last forever.
When Brevitt was learning to read we would get the giggles as he stretched out the sounds of his words so that they would make sense to him. He sounded like Dora talking to the whale in Nemo. Brevitt has always been able to laugh at himself. Axel is a different animal. I have to keep the humor to myself or Axel will burst into tears.
What would Axel be like if his placement in the family were changed. Having a self-proclaimed yellow lab as an older brother is not an easy fate. He must always be on guard for Brevitt to come barreling into him and start a wrestling match. They work well together when the gods are on my side. Brevitt has the ability to immerse Axel into a world of imagination. Axel is the engineer who sorts out the details and shapes the ideas into a whole. Tucker teaches Axel how to be patient and tolerant. Sometimes it all gets to much for him and he quietly crawls into my lap to recuperate. I hope that being the middle child will better prepare him for dealing with the complexities of life. Fortunately, he is a wise old soul and understands that life will not always stick him in the middle.
My Axel! “Jojo is one of the biggest elephants” . (Axel’s favorite animal is the elephant)
“Elephants have the biggest brains”
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Loved the ‘husband’ video! I, too, have three sons, ages 17, 14, and 8. No, things don’t get quieter in the
house as they get older. Check out my website at http://www.momsofboys.org and my humor book, House of Testosterone – One Mom’s Survival in a Household of Males.
Hang in there!
Sharon
another beautiful post.