This morning Wade and I laughed, cried and spat at each
other, and the kids, in the one hour we had together before we shoved everybody
into the car to go to school. Oh to be able to afford the $1,000 per kid school
bus.
This behavior is indicative of a strange phenomenon that
occurs before my birthday every year. It used to be that I felt in sync with
the world and everything seemed to magically flow together setting my new year
off with a tremendously, positive, embracing bang. Something has changed in the
past few years and I am hoping that age has nothing to do with it. Nowadays,
approximately one month before my birthday, the chaos in the Universe descends
upon me full force throwing major obstacles in my path. My life becomes very
disconnected and I cannot trust my intuitive navigational tools.
It is true that I place a lot of value in our biological
connection to nature and the universe. It would make sense that there is some
kind of cosmic shift when one reaches the annual date of when they were born. I
just am not used to feeling as though I am wearing a wetsuit inside out and
backwards with two left shoes filled with water to guide me.
This year I am determined to fight this onslaught of
dysfunction. I am eating beets and spinach and hitting the yoga hard. I have
even started a meditation practice. But with children it is never easy to stay
in control of a steady flow and balance. I can only try my best as I whirl into
yoga after maniacally cleaning the house, getting the kids dressed, preparing snacks
and loading the car for pick up after school. I burst into the yoga studio five
minutes late, which is very characteristic of me, and cause complete disruption
in the yoga room making everybody move their mats around to fit me in. I smile
and mutter my apologies to all of my fellow yoga diehard friends. Later, after
class, I ask my yoga instructor and friends if they think that moving from
completely frenetic energy to Pranayama breathing could possibly do me in. They
all agree that the reason we go to yoga is to break down that energy and reach
a place of calmness and peace.
Commiserating with friends helps. We reassure one another
that we all are facing the same
struggles in our daily lives and that we all have to endure needy, screaming
kids as well as husbands at times. We look to each other for validation and
therapy. We share our profound wisdom and experience helping each other to know
that we are not alone in the world. We all must endure the ennui that is part
of our job description. We master the science of learning how to fit in our
personal time so that we are ready to give our families our undivided
attention. It is common to hear comments like, “My husband thinks that by
flushing the toilet he is contributing to the housekeeping chores”.
Last night I got into bed and looked over at the pile of
books waiting to be read. The New Yorker came first to keep me educated and in
the loop, next came an autobiography of a child survivor of the Holocaust. A
story that parallels the lives of many of my late relatives. Lastly, to help
fill my mind with positive ideals as I slept, I started The Art of Achievement
by Tom Morris, a new friend on Twitter. I fell asleep with a well-rounded read
of politics, humanity and philosophy and woke up challenging life. Bring it on
I thought because those people and obstacles that are doing their best to bring
me down are my tools to help me to rise like the Phoenix and become a stronger
being.
I can’t even begin to tell you how exactly right on you are on all this. I have been having the exact same experience you described here. In fact, I’m even writing this in a half fog, so it doesn’t even seem all that coherent to me…. : ) You’re an amazing person; keep up the good work!
Wonderful philosphical blog. Am dealing with major problems and it helped me calm down and laugh.