Yesterday after four hours of sleep I woke up ready to kill and eat anybody who crossed my path. Unfortunately for me it had snowed nine inches the night before and Wade was chomping at the bit to plunge into the untracked powder. His plan was to ski in the morning and than hook up with the boys and I at the mountain at lunchtime. He ignored that my hair was larger than usual and that my fangs were extracted. I wanted to scream to him, “Don’t leave me alone with the boys! Can’t you see that it is that time of the month annnnnd it’s a full moon? I’m not capable of handling this day”. Instead I growled goodbye. He took the cue fleeing as fast as he could before I could become a heaving lump of disgrace at his feet.
When Brevitt’s friend was dropped off later in the morning, I poked my head out of my office. “Don’t worry”, I assured the dad, “I will get out of my pajama’s, get my head out of these boxes of photographs and love letters from all of my ex-boyfriends and take the boys skiing”. He looked at me incredulously, completely in the dark of what I was doing with my life.
I somehow gathered myself together and loaded up the boys and all of our equipment into Vini-Man. Tucker, who I believe is still biologically connected to my moods, was being extremely sensitive and needy. If I looked at him cross-eyed he would melt into a puddle and tell me that he needed a hug. He ran off as I wrestled with all of the equipment that kept bonking me on the head. I let out a string of unacceptable expletives and miserably began my search for him. I found him lying on his back in his freshly washed ski clothes, in the middle of a mud puddle. He had overheard me ranting and repeated my words back to me verbatim. I hoped that the surrounding families did not turn me in to social services.
I finally managed to get the boys all into the ski line when I realized that my ski ticket was no longer valid. Too late, the boys were already on the lift. I turned around and in disbelief saw Wade quietly standing there watching the whole debacle. “You’re on” I said and walked away. Wade was refreshed and ready to take on anything that I threw his way. I plugged in my ipod and skinned up the mountain. Slowly my complex beastly layers melted away.
An hour and a half later I returned to the family. They recognized me as their beloved mother and wife sans fur on the back of my hands. Wade knew not to bring up my bad behavior and I apologized for being psycho mom. The boys forgave me and climbed into my lap.
Tonight, I will try my best to get a good night’s sleep and not let the moon wreak havoc on my temperate again. Hopefully, I will not wake up to a pile of bones laying next to me and human hair between my teeth.
It is positively a trip to be daily entertained with my daughter-in-law’s colorful blogs about my brilliant and adorable grandsons and her wonderful husband, my son. It just doesn’t get better than this; Jillian, keep writing. Love you!
Well, as long as the bones aren’t immediate family…
I hope your kids live to see another day and hope you get a good night’s rest! lol
Keep up the great work
[...] not myself right now. If you’ll remember the post I wrote around this time last year titled, I ATE MY KIDS, you’ll know that this happens to me every year directly before my birthday for some [...]