Last year, I went to a benefit with a girlfriend to support my brother in law who is the Director of the Board of this commendable non-profit organization. Unfortunately, I was more of a liability than a help.
On the way up to the party one of my particularly free spirited, adventurous friends made a quick diversion to a local dive bar that I had driven by every day and never noticed was there.
Curiosity got the best of me and with slight trepidation I followed her in. Time stopped, and so did the half dozen locals who were already sauced. Noticing the yeagermeister on tap, I realized that this was no ordinary pit stop. This place must be famous. To think that I had driven right by it all these years. Free shots were sent our way from one of the six barfly’s. Six tequila shots and half a dozen new friends later we stumbled out into the blinding evening light. Thelma and Louise were ready to spice up this benefit with our charm and tequila soaked grace.
In my insecure youth, tequila would expose my vulnerabilities, especially when I drank with my sisters. I became a weak and emotional mess telling them that they didn’t love me enough. But as all older sisters will do, they handed me a tissue and told me to shut up.
With age comes less insecurities and a greater ability to accept the alien substances that I consume. I am filled with bravado, clairvoyance and an inner light that, I’m certain, emerges from all of my orifices.
The Live auction began at the benefit. My generous mother had donated her summerhouse in Nantucket to to be auctioned off. When the house came up I offered my services to help sell it. After all, I knew the place well. Taking the microphone away from the MC I gracefully stumbled onto the stage and asked, “How many people out there have ever been to Nantucket?” A few smiling people raised their hands inspiring me to go on. I was doing really well, starting my own comedy routine, when I got politely, but abruptly, kicked off the stage. My normal sense of humility must have been taking a powder.
Then came the horse up for auction. We needed a horse, with gas prices so high this was the perfect solution. Plus we had a barn on our new land. The bidding began. My brother-in-law from across the table was aggressively shaking his head, no. His wife, my sister, was encouraging me to go forward. She had land where we could board the horse. Louise, my partner in crime, had a brother that broke horses in Wyoming – a fun road trip. $3,000 later I won the horse. All night, I was so excited. I knew he was in the field and I wanted to go meet him and talk to my new pet in the moonlight. The horse people kept getting in my way with questions like, “How long have you been involved with horses?” and “what will you do with him in the winter time?” and “were you aware of the costs involved”? Slowly, I started to sober up. The only horses I knew were Spirit and Flicka.
The next morning, I woke up not so excited. How was I going to tell Wade? At breakfast I stated that, once again, I had bought something big at an auction. I gave him the choice of hearing the news before or after his pot of coffee. He chose the latter. When he was ready, I announced that we had bought a new, unbroken, two year old pet for the kids. Wade and the kids looked at me incredulously with sleepy eyes. They told me that they did not want a horse and I was to give it back.
I called the Director of the Board and burdened the organization to reverse my actions. It occurred to me that maybe I should return to the dive bar to eliminate the pain I felt for embarrassing my family and myself. On the brighter side, I have switched forever from yeagermeister to tequila. YEEEEHAAAWWWW!
Hahaha I laughed so hard, it was a great way to start the day!
This story is hilarious! I can so see this happening — you make me smile so much Jilly
Thank you!
Frist time reader, first time commentor…
I read your comment on Daddy Scratches and had to check out your experience! LOVE IT! Thanks for the laugh…sad thing is…I can see my best friend and I do this too!! We Texans love our alcohol!!
By the way – did you keep the horse?
Jillian your blog is well written, funny, & poignant.
Imagine my shock to see that I was not following you, tho I subscribe to your blog (which I love!)
Stopping over from the SITS Saturday Sharefest. Great story, I have to admit, I have never heard of anyone buying a horse during a drunken spree. It definitely could have ended worse. lol. My favorite line – “The only horses I knew were Spirit and Flicka.” I can only imagine the stories that would have come had you kept it.
Happy SITS Saturday Sharefest! Oh my, talk about buyer’s remorse!
If I lived closer…I think you’d be my new BFF.
=)
Hey Dane, if you are not spam, I’d like to hear more.
[...] The party was going on strong downstairs and I slipped unnoticed into the dining room as Aspen’s Plum TV host Oliver Sharpe asked the film savvy guests Oscar trivia questions. I slowly walked around the room checking it all out, the beautifully decorated tables, the glamorous evening dresses and the silent auction table where I was under strict orders by Wade to avoid anything remotely resembling a Chalet in Switzerland….or a horse. [...]