Wade and I got robbed of the opportunity to celebrate our Anniversary together so the other night I reenacted the plan, only by myself. I sat alone at the bar at Phat Thai, had a glass of red wine for dinner and then went to see the film, 500 Days Of Summer.
As I sat at the bar I imagined what it would be like to still be single and living in New York City. When an attractive young man sat down alone right next to me I thought about one of my favorite movies After Hours. Sometimes I get so depressed that my life of spontaneous adventure is oh so very OVER.
I am a day dreamer and a true romanticist driving Wade crazy with questions like, What if we didn’t know each other? What if I was your waitress at a restaurant? What if I was your boss at the magazine? What if I worked for you? Would you be able to control yourself and keep your hands off of me? Creating these scenarios sparks the animal magnetism that I have always had for Wade but he is not so keen as I to play these games reminding me that only women fantasize like that. I don’t believe him.
I love my children and care deeply for them when they are sick but their timing is lousy! With this cooler weather and the inability to have any time to myself, my passions are resurfacing full force. I am fed up with the daily mundane tasks of cooking, cleaning and caring for everybody, did I really sign up for this? Wasn’t I once a traveler and an adventurer? Didn’t I at one time in my life get on a plane whenever I got antsy?
I wrote an email to my oldest sister in Boston fantasizing our escape to an island where I pack nothing but my lap top, bikinis, flip flops, any necessary fashionable accessories and a few great novels. We wake up in the morning and take a two hour run on the beach and then fall asleep in our lounge chairs with our hands caressing the soft sand. I don’t care if I drool and snore loudly with my mouth open because I am incognito, a total stranger in a strange land where nobody knows that I am married with three crazy boys running amuck at home.
In the afternoons we hang out at the Tiki Hut Bar and drink fresh boat drinks while talking to the philosophical bartender with a Psych degree and laugh as we objectively analyze all of the atrocities that we have to deal with in our lives.
At night we dress in our sexy sundresses and make a stir at the local dive bar dancing wildly to the local rock band and when we are through meeting and playing with all of the locals we stumble home under the warm tropical breeze and laugh until we cry, like we did when we were in highschool.
When I am not drinking, running, drooling or reading, I write to my hearts content and figure it all out…life, marriage, kids. And when I get truly bored I return home refueled and ready to be the mother that I am meant to be.
A girl can dream can’t she???
Let me know when you’re leaving for the Tiki Bar and I’ll book my ticket!!
There’s a lot of dreaming floating around the ethers today! I’m all for it. I love the way your mind works… When I dream, I dream of things I have yet to accomplish (finding the perfect partner & having a life together, becoming a published author with five or six books under her belt, mastering various yoga moves that still elude me).
Reading this was like a fun escape from my world, so thanks, Jillian!
Why did you have to post this today….the day when I’m dreaming of something so similar and knowing it cannot come to fruition? At least not for nearly 18 years. Well, I guess I might be able to take off for some fun when they’re older….but then the guilt factor of NOT letting them tag along would eat at me. OH, to be a mother….gag.
Yes, she can and must. I’m so grateful I got to live that crazy, single, totally over-the-top, anonymous-whenever-I-wanted-it-to-be NYC life for as long as I did. Gourmet disappearing, made me realize, OMG, I couldn’t go back even if I wanted to. But, fantasize I do. I think back and smile about the secrets, the fun, the best of it.
I didn’t want to miss out on being a mom. I’m really glad I didn’t. But, not being able to run out or away for a thrill or an adventure is so life altering. It’s the hardest part of motherhood and…marriage.
I hear you. I do this a lot thinking about what would my life be if I would not stayed in this country.
But I do not regred any day I love my husband and I have a Beautiful daughter and I have met great People inluding you and your family.
Dreaming is allowed I think
I think my ability to fantasize was the only thing that kept me sane when I was going thru the stage you’re in! I’m ashamed now that I wasn’t “fully present” as I strive to be now in my Zen practice, but a woman’s gotta do what a woman’s gotta do. It really WASN’T fulfilling to me at the time, I craved my solitude incessantly. I feel your pain!
Suzen, I love your positive words of wisdom. I hear you when you tell me to stop fretting the small stuff and all will be ok.
Daniela, I am glad that you are happily living with your husband and adorable daughter in America. How cool is it that your au pair job led you to all of this?? Just goes to show you where adventure will take you in your life. Don’t give up the traveling.
I too am glad that I over saturated single living. I have no regrets, well maybe a few, that I gave it all up to enjoy family living.
We all share the same dreams when we are so devoted to our families. We’ll still be fun when they go off to school, maybe miserable with the empty nest syndrome for a while but once that wears off, I’m sure we will be ready for the quiet, leisurely life.
There must be something in the air. You summed up exactly the way so many of us are feeling right now! Oh to run to a warm sunny place…unfettered and free. Sunblock in one hand and a book in the other!
Loved reading this post!
Your thoughts and dreams are the key to what will make you happy. Listen to them, find ways to make them happen, if not true to every detail, then in the spirit of them. Do not bury what you want. You deserve it.
Such great words of wisdom. Thank you Daphne!
I’m so glad that I could help you to escape as well.