It is very windy and stormy outside. Hootie-Hoo is asleep, Thumper is hanging out with his daddy and Axel is at a birthday party. I could sit down to a good book and send myself into another world or I could dig deeper into my own world and write. I guess Ill choose the latter, again not much came to me when I woke up this morning at 4:00am in a panic. Writing may be therapeutic but it does not cure our financial woes.
In my close inner circles there are many of us who are struggling with this scary economy. We are all walking around trying to hide our fear that our ship might be going down. It is not uncommon to hear comments like, “Who chopped up prozac and put it into her coffee this morning?”
I am in an extreme state of denial as I waltz around singing and full of energy. Is it possible that my yoga and meditation are keeping me from plunging or am I just completely manic and ready to break down at any given moment?
These moments of near hysteria do show up in the household, particularly when I am in the kitchen. This is my sacred place and I expect everybody to give me space so that I can perform all the morning tasks. If anybody wants to pass me they make an exaggerated gesture of spreading their arms out wide while side stepping behind me so as not to get in my way. The other morning Baddy seemed to need to pass more often than usual, coffee on one side of me, spoon on the other, back to the fridge, back to the sink. Finally I stopped what I was doing and flashed him my award winning hairy eyeball. His humorous look broke me down into laughter, as always, and I told him that I felt like we were doing some kind of peacock mating dance.
A few moments later when I was once again irritated and flashing him looks of impatience and anger he turned into the British narrator, At this time the female starts spitting arrows and breathing fire threatening to eat her mate. Hootie-Hoo announced that Baddy sounded just like Grandma Nicky. Once again I lost control and ended up bent over in a fit of laughter. He watched me with amusement as the tears started streaming down my face. He has been there with me many times before and knew it would pass.
I often wonder how strange it is for Baddy that his wife is borderline wacko. Just recently, I couldn’t sleep in the middle of the night and I asked him, mid snort, what he was doing. He woke up and humorously said, “Well actually, I was sleeping.” This induced another major fit of laughter that lasted longer than usual. He laughed with me than immediately fell asleep again as my laughter slowly died down.
I love living in our new house especially at this time of year in the misty spring. We sit and watch out the window as the low clouds roll over the fields. It is a magical place where we live and I would be very sad to have to leave it.
In the evenings the boys and I jump on the community trampoline as we wait for Baddy to come home from work. I love feeling the warm breeze as we watch the sun’s evening rays light up the clouds in a shroud of pink. The red winged blackbirds sing their song from the willows and bring forth memories of Nantucket. We play a game where I bounce as high as I can and send the boys soaring into the air. While we are all in the air we have to look each other in the eyes which gives us the illusion of being frozen in time.
With the possibility that we could lose our house due to Bernard Madoff’s Ponzi scheme, I hold on to the magic of every moment shared here. It is hard to believe that a place that brings us such peace and happiness could be taken away from us. Next time we are on the trampoline I will ask the children to imagine that all of our concerns and fears of losing our house will bounce into the air and float far away from us never to return. After all, children are closer to nature than adults and their wishes might just be heard.