Trying to Fit it All in

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“What’s that smell?”

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Walking around Aspen

Yesterday was not such a good day, at least when the boys were around. Brevitt went to sleep the night before with high anxiety over his inability to comprehend his math teacher and woke up feigning illness. I gave him a simple math problem, “Brevitt + no school = higher anxiety,” and lightly smacked his little bottom up the stairs to get dressed.

I have been making a concentrated effort to sleep more and woke up too late to think straight resulting in mass confusion. I herded the boys into the car ten minutes late and left the healthy part of the lunch behind to sit on the counter all day.

After school, Tucker’s preschool teacher said, “We supplemented Tucker’s lunchbox today with something healthy for him,” since all that was in his lunchbox was the processed snacks that I had bought for them when I had a weak moment in the grocery store because I felt badly that they always looked so longingly at their friends lunchboxes.

As for the big boys, they ended up having no lunch at all. For some reason the once a week hot lunch that is served at school, was not served yesterday.

So I came to school to greet hungry boys who did not want to ski, even though I just about killed myself loading the car with their equipment and warm clothes. They immediately began their whining about my “no more sugar” rule. “Never again?” they asked. “Even on special occasions?” “No, NEVER,” I returned. “The sugar fuels Axel’s migraines, Tucker’s temper tantrums and Brevitt’s anxiety so no more giving in to your constant pleas for the evil stuff.”

Life is a roller coaster and I am being tossed about with high emotions and sharp turns as I hurry up and wait to get my book marketed, work on my new business, Aspen Real Life, and love and nurture my three boys, husband, sisters, friends and parents (which includes my in-laws). I won’t even go into the time it takes to connect with my new friends on the internet who have become my support and my comfort. If only I enjoyed being hung upside down in a state of peril.

I should enjoy these crazy times and embrace them knowing that these unbearable moments will soon pass leaving me with the exhilaration that I just made it through another loop by sheer will, determination and positive thinking, “You are good, you will succeed, it is all worth it, even though Axel was in tears last night because he was looking at pictures of you smiling and said that you never smile or laugh anymore.”

And Axel is right. I have aged in this past year in my attempt to create the impossible. I am looking older and more haggard and even have had to get eyeglasses from too much writing on the computer. My muscles are softening and my bottom is flattening out from too much sitting and my energy comes in short spurts but, but, but I believe it is all going to turn around soon. It has to, and in the meantime I have decided to throw three sheets to the wind, which is probably another metaphor that I have messed up but don’t have time to research, and am going to do what I love to do more than anything else in the world, aside from being with my boys. I am going to bring my Taurean self up to the ski slopes and puff out all of my pent up aggression, as I plow through and in and above the powder only concentrating on my next turn and getting to the bottom of the run without stopping…ever!

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16 COMMENTS

  1. Hi Jillian! Hope a good swish down the slopes refreshed your spirit! What a great outlet that must be for you.

    I’ve been reading Seeds of Deception and The End of Food – will be doing some blogs when I finish all the OTHER research I’m doing (I’m rather obcessed with this now) but you are really doing the right thing getting the kids off sugar – just don’t substitute with Aspartame – that stuff is the REAL poison and I’m not kidding!!!! It’s currently in over 5,000 foods too. Watch out for this!

  2. You are clearly having a very off day my dear!!! You, of anyone is wonder woman. Flat behind, huff and puff to ski down the mountain, look old? and my I remingd you, you have been wearing glasses since you got some lame eye exam at “Pearl Vision” when you were 16…….Just so all you readers know…Jiliian kicks ass on the ski slopes, has the most fit, beautiful body EVER…I infact refuse to walk down the beach with her unless she is covered in a potatoe sack!
    As for feeding your children healthy food…..your cupboeard ios not one I crave…its filled with all that bably tasting healthy nature food stuff!!! One would only loose weight in your home as it is sooooo healthy and nutriciouse (sp) just not yummy!!! Your childrens “unhealthy” lunch boxes would put all us Wellesley mothers to shame!!!
    Jillian…you rock!
    Now I am late picking my children up from school and am going to tell them…no more sugar!!!!!
    xoxoxoxox

    • There’s my mouse. I’m liking this attention that I am getting from you, my oldest sister, whose beauty far exceeds mine and, at times, her wisdom but definitely not her maturity level…ha, ha, ha 🙂 and you are delusional about my beauty and body of that I am certain!

      I’m thinking instead of a radio show, we should start a blog together!!!

  3. I couldn’t help it, I smiled at your exasperation, you made me. Gaah, but some days feel futile. I smiled at how hard you are trying. Keep after it, it will pay off.

    Good luck on the ‘no sugar’ thing. Teaching kiddos about sugar, how much is acceptable, what are alternatives, why it’s bad, and all that crap; might go further than abstinence or absolutes. Balance in all things. You’ll repeat this chapter again in a few years, substituting ‘Sex and STD’s’, so pay attention!

    And bravo to you for ultimately getting out onto the mountain, amazing how quickly a few sweet turns changes everything!!

    Trying to fit it all in, too,
    Greta

    • Dear Greta, It appears as though I have made yet another incredible friend from my website and that would be you. Your thoughts and comments fill me with awe and wonder wanting more, as you are a beautiful writer and I love your words of wisdom.

      I can see how candy and sex are related, as for STD’s, I have no idea what that means and I’m sure it’s something obvious like a college test or something???? Hate to show my ignorance but it is abundant these days.

      It seems that your friend Lauren is also wonderful! Thank you for spreading the word.

  4. Hi praise indeed, coming from such a lovely and talented woman! I like your spirit… you had a hard day, and then you skied, victorious. Take THAT nutritious food, eat my dust supplementing teacher, nannynannybooboo new business…

    Your sad tale of how you are likely to not smile or laugh again reminded me of the time my Meghann came home with four rocks that she had painted each one of her famly on. They had cut out feet and yarn hair, absolutely precious. Until she told me which rock I was. The fat rock, the one with the thick black line running between the eyes on the forehead. I asked her again if that wasn’t the daddy rock, but she confirmed it was me. I balked, until I looked in the mirror confirming the marked furrow in my brow. Alert: I didn’t want her to think of me that way!!! So I tried harder to be lighter, and easy going, but let’s face it, we are responsible for our children’s LIVES. It’s not all fun and games.

    I look forward to your writing and sharing. And appreciate this fun, new friendship. I found your blog through a college friend, Tom Payne, and I was stopped by ‘isdisnormal’, the general question just makes me laugh.

    Greta

    p.s. (STD = Sexually Transmitted Disease)

    • Hello Greta,

      Ohhh, I got a good laugh out of that one, the fat rock and of course the STD’s, I guess sex is so far off my radar that it did not come to me as quickly as it should have.

      I’m glad that you told me that Tom referred you to my blog. I love that boy, regardless of his inability to control his rawness.

      Unfortunately my nannynannybooboo day came to a screeching halt and I ended up at home with my 8 year old…and it was good in the end. He needs me to himself sometimes, that middle child of mine.

      Where’s your blog?

  5. If one of my kids’ teachers had ever said to me she had “supplemented my child’s lunch” with something she thought was better than what I had sent I woulda snatched her baldheaded. Phffft!

  6. Jilly 🙂

    I laughed throughout this post, from the first sentence 🙂 I know you think your day was not so great, but your candor and ‘putting it all out there’ is so refreshing, and makes me laugh at my own day 😉 Thank you, and I MISS YOU!! xo, Lauren

  7. I evaluate myself sometimes (I can only handle it sometimes) and realized that my kids weren’t seeing me smiling enough either. It’s odd how, even when I do enjoy them, I am not expressing it because I’m generally torn in pieces getting ten things done. I walk up and down the stairs doing laundry, enjoying their laughter and running, but rarely show them that I am enjoying it.

    My five year was watching me tonight as he sat at the dinner table and I walked through the kitchen. We exchanged words and as he looked at me over his chair-back, I stopped and smiled at him. It wasn’t a smile without thought. I had to think and remind myself to do it. But once I did….I relaxed. It was a bizarre feeling. One that I hope to re-create until it no longer feels foreign anymore.
    .-= Tooj´s last blog ..Husbands Just….Grrrrr =-.

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