A Funny Story About Wanting Sex - Aspen Real Life

A Funny Story About Wanting Sex

If you haven't been living this way already, it's time to start letting go and live for the moment...even if the consequences may make you blush.


[su_heading size=”18″]A Funny Story About Wanting Sex[/su_heading]

On her 50th birthday Ethel found herself on her own in a hotel. She was feeling a little lonely, so she thought to herself: “I’ll call one of those guys you see advertised for escorts and sensual massages.”

She looked through the phone book, and found a full-page ad for a man calling himself Tender Tony.

In the photo he looked very handsome, with assorted physical skills. He had thick wavy hair, long powerful legs, muscles in all the right places, dazzling smile, six-pack abs – and she felt certain she could bounce a sixpence off his well-oiled bum…

She thought to herself “What the hell. Nobody will ever know. I’ll give him a call” and she dialled his number.

“Good evening ma’am, how can I help you?”

Oh my” she thought, “he sounds sooo sexy!” Afraid she’d lose her nerve if she hesitated, she rushed right in.

“Hi, I hear you give a great massage. I’d like you to come to my hotel room and give me one. No, wait, I should be straight with you. I’m in town all alone and what I really want is sex – I want it hot and I want it now. Bring toys, rubber, leather, whips – everything you’ve got. We’ll go hot and heavy all night – tie me up, cover me in chocolate syrup and whipped cream – anything and everything – I’m ready! Now how does that sound?”

He said: “That sounds absolutely fantastic. But you need to press 9 for an outside line.”

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9 hours ago

Aspen Real Life
Trevor!!! Making history! You are an inspiration, launching over 90 feet. Repost @trevor_kennison・・・Absolutely speechless… Thank you to everyone who made this possible 🙏🏽 @xgames #sitskiboss#screamingfans#pushingboundaries#adaptiveathlete#bigairjump ...
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Just shake your boots and let it all get loose Oh yeah My goodness Fluffy clouds Jumping rainbows Fluffy clouds .... #aspenreallife #aspenhighlandsbowl @aspensnowmass @marbledistillingco ...
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Keep going!! #Repost @wcmaple・・・After recovering from a 1.5 year injury I self funding my way back on to the Olympic team. Still The US Ski Team decided not to name me a death sentence for my racing career.☠︎ I decided to ski again the next season anyway. With a bunch of help from my local community!☠︎ 2018-2019 season I hired my best friend to join me on tour as my technician and support system. I can’t describe how special it was to have him with me yelling for me out of the gate at each race.☠︎Our contact consisted of 4 agreements: I would pay him $1000 a month, plus room, board and beer while on tour. In exchange he agreed to finish my skis before drinking a beer and be at the start on time. The final rule was that he had to be back in the room by midnight or find a different place to sleep... he never once slept in my room. 😎 what a legend.☠︎2018-2019 was the hardest year of my life… I was skiing the fastest I ever had— If I finished this run I had at least a chance to cross the finish line in the top 10 maybe even the top 5 having won the bottom split the day before. This one result would have changed the trajectory of my career. Fate had other plans it seems.☠︎Instead I was flagged and choppered back to the top. The only racers that day to run the gnarliest downhill in the world twice. Trust me when I say no one wants to do Kitz twice in a day! The week after Kitz Garmisch was canceled and I went home a defeated man, out of money and out of hope.☠︎Two months later Sam died. A month and a half after his death my back broke ending my career… For the first time in my life I considered the possibility that there was a God and he was screaming at me to stop racing. I conclude that if there was agency in that imaginary figure in the sky he was and is a piece of f*cking shit.☠︎Sometimes life kicks you in the face. Then beats you while you are down… There are only ever two choices after that. To get up or to give up. I’m still standing.☠︎I’m still skiing! ...
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WHAT'S NEW AT ASPEN REAL LIFE?"Ever since its inception in 2009, Aspen Real Life has been a life travel site documenting the people, adventures, and treasures I found outside my front door.In 2022 I have a new site giving greater clarity to the ecosystem I continue to build, a culture of community filled with the most inspirational people, all helping each other to thrive.There are many new ways that you can jump on in, from sponsoring a teen wellness event to placing your brand on our live calendar feeds. Check it all out below and choose the best fit for you, whether you are looking to market your brand or just to emerge from isolation to meet others, I have intentionally designed opportunities for everyone. Let's do this .... together!" ~ Jillian Livingston, Founder, Solopreneur. ...
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Aspen Real Life
We welcome Connie Baker, aka "Queen Bee", as a Community Partner. We have had many events with Connie at Marble Bar Aspen, including our very first one in 2018 with Chef Barclay Dodge of Bosq and Chef Susie Jimenez, and we look forward to many Aspen Real Life après gatherings there in the near future (all events will be scheduled into our calendar).Connie is the CEO and Head Distiller at Marble Distilling Co. & The Distillery Inn, the most sustainable distillery in the world. "The distillery is zero-waste .... nothing goes down the drain, from the process water to being 100% recycled to all of the energy coming off the stills being captured to heat our building. All silage is recycled to the farms from which it came and is used as supplementary animal feed. We call what we do 'grain to glass to ground.' It's a beautiful sustainable cycle all happening within our community." ~ Connie BakerThe Marble Distilling Co. (MDC) is throwing a local's après ski party this Saturday, January 22nd, from 4-6 pm with music by DJ Mayfly. There will be drink specials, complimentary appetizers, and a faux fur theme. and distributing ‘locals cards’ to receive 20% off the bill any time you visit the Marble Bar in Aspen. The card is also good for 20% off bottle sales at the bar -- for gifting or stocking the home bar with locally-sourced and made Marble Vodka, Moonlight EXpresso, Moonlight Reserve, Gingercello, Gingercello Reserve & Hoover’s Revenge Whiskies, including Hoover's 4 grain Bourbon, a 3 grain Rye, unique triticale and malted barley Fightin’ Whiskey, and a 5-grain American Whiskey. Sign your ‘locals card’ and keep it on file at the Marble Bar Aspen (so that you don't have to remember to bring it with you when you visit.) Mention that you saw this on Aspen Real Life.The Marble Bar Aspen is located inside the Hyatt Grand Aspen, which is now called The Aspen Mountain Residences at 415 E. Dean St., Aspen, CO, 81611 - above the skating rink. Marble Bar Aspen is open Wednesday through Sunday from 3 pm until 9 pm. Marble Bar Aspen is open to the public and available for private events with indoor and outdoor space. COMMUNITY PARTNER: www.aspenreallife.com/members/marble-distilling-co/ ...
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