Where to Draw the Line with Kids

Where to Draw the Line with Kids

Children need boundaries, the question is when do we draw the line and when do we let it stretch a little.

[su_heading]Where to Draw the Line with Kids[/su_heading]
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IMG_5404IMG_5405The other morning Hootie-Hoo came downstairs with a handle bar mustache and a goatee drawn in magic marker on his face. “I don’t know how I do that in my sleep Mama,” he innocently stated and I looked over at Brevitt who was giving me his huge mischievous smile. Somehow he had convinced his little brother that he had actually drawn on his own face in his sleep. It was to be our little secret.

But Hootie-Hoo is getting a little fed up with his little problem for now Axel is following Thumper’s lead and also drawing on his brother’s face in his sleep. It’s time for the talk.Where to Draw the Line with Kids

Thumper is pushing his boundaries and I am doing all that I can to hang in there and teach him how to listen to authority and to not get himself into trouble. I find that nighttime is our best time to communicate. “Anybody want to take a walk with me and Muki?” I yelled out before stepping off into the dark for a beautiful summer evening walk around the neighborhood. Silence ensued and so I left without my little male companions. Ten minutes later I heard, “Mommmmmmyyy,” and I called out my signature bird cry so that Thumper could run toward my voice. He ran up beside me and quickly grabbed my hand, both afraid of and exhilarated by the evening sky and the shadows lurking in the dark.

Soon after we heard screaming and crying, another one of my children disturbing the hood. “Poor neighbors,” Thumpers squealed with delight. It was Axel who had finished the project that he had been completely engrossed in and had gone into a panic after discovering that he had been left all alone in the house, only he wasn’t alone. Baddy was reading upstairs to Hootie-Hoo before bed and either was ignoring Axel’s screams or somehow did not hear him carrying on. Husbands are talented in that respect, screening out noise disturbances.

Shouting back to Axel from across the neighborhood we directed him to meet us at the fence at the end of the field that we always walk through. Thumper’s anxiety began to set in as he worried about Axel alone in the dark and so we raced faster and faster until we found him, traumatized that he had been abandoned and racing at top speed on his bike pedaling barefoot in his oversized Homer Simpson pajamas. Thumper put his arm around Axel and let him know that all was okay.

Raising Boys

In an interview between Consumer Health Interactive correspondent, Blyth Woolston, and Clinical Psychologist Dr. William Pollack, author of Real Boys (1998), Dr. Pollack asserts, “Research shows that if a boy has one adult he can open up to in a shame-free way, one adult who cares about him, that boy is going to be healthier, happier, less likely to be depressed, less likely to be violent, more likely to succeed in school, more likely to be open and caring, to have friendships, to succeed in life. The most important thing is for the boy to know that one adult mentor understands him and will listen — someone who will keep an eye out for him and will provide the time. It seems like such a simple task…”

“Lay down with me Mommy, you need to spend time with me,” Thumper requested the day before he went off to Water Ramp Camp, a program offered through our local Aspen Valley Ski Club.

He was working me. There is such a fine line between sticking to the bedtime routine and taking that precious alone time to connect with your child for as soon as I am in that prostate position exhaustion rapidly sets in and all pent up creativity gets released in my dreams.

“Tickle my back,” he said and as I did a flood of emotions and harbored thoughts flowed from him, “Today you said that I was not growing up to yours and daddy’s expectations and that made me really sad.”

“Thumper, I so did not say that today. I said that in the past year you have been doing your best to defy the requests made to you by your parents and your teachers and that it is important for you to learn how to respect authority.”

How interesting it was that he had processed the information so negatively and differently than I had intended and I was glad that I had a chance to further expound on his need to not push his luck.

We fell asleep with my hand tickling his back and the next day as he climbed into the big, black, ominous van with eleven other boys to head off to camp I was so glad that we had connected the night before. When I climbed in to say goodbye to my tough little boy I said, “I won’t embarrass you in front of your friends and tell you that I love you.” I thought I was so funny but my sweet little boy who holds my hand in the dark did not think so and all I got was a wave and a final glimpse of Thumper with flushed cheeks.

As I drove away I hoped that our previous conversation had some lasting impact. Children need boundaries, especially boys, the question is when to let them stretch them and when to draw the line…and not on Hootie-Hoo’s face.

 Where Do We Draw the Line With Kids IMG_5410My homeboy at the Breckenridge Parade

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9 thoughts on “Where to Draw the Line with Kids”

  1. Hi Jillian! A line? There’s a line? I’ll have to look that one up in the Answer Book – if I ever find there IS one! haha! My darling son twisted (negatively) just about everything I ever said to him – which when I caught on to that I said things over and over. Drove him crazy – he said “I KNOW, I know, you’ve said that 10 times” but at least he got it!!! I just laughed and told him I was used to saying things over and over cuz dad is deaf – and besides it’s my job to drive you nuts!

    (As to Wade “not hearing the screams” – see what I mean? They are all deaf!)
    hugs
    suZen

    Reply
  2. Jillian, thanks for sharing with such candidness and detail these moments of your life. Even with our boys at such young ages, I am trying to prepare myself to understand and make sense of them growing up, and spreading their wings – sometimes in the most colorful ways. Love you!

    Reply
    • There you are Maggie, so good to get a comment from you. Your little angels will be no problem but if they are, call me. By then I’ll be well seasoned in the art of raising boys. At least we can only hope.

      Loved, as always, being with you and the extended family. I miss Mile’s sweet little voice singing and that Nash with his chubby legs and funny smile that I only just now remembered the boys also doing. I’m sure I have a photo somewhere.

      Love you too!

      Reply
  3. I so have trouble with that line at bedtime – when we’re all tired and cuddling seems like SUCH a good idea. I pretty much give in. Chances are they’re not going to want to cuddle with me for long, and I just eat it up…

    Btw, I love that hair so much!!
    .-= parentingadabsurdum´s last blog ..Thank You Mamapedia- =-.

    Reply
    • Hi Peryl,

      I feel the same way. It’s so hard to fit it all in, time with kids, time with hubby, time for oneself!

      Thanks for the hair compliment. I’m thinking of going to beauty school and becoming a hairdresser for kids…NOT!

      Reply
  4. I remember once, when I was about four, I took Michele into mommy’s bathroom and painter her whole face bright red with mommy’s lipstick! Was not a very good look for Michele and took days to get the stain out. Very funny that Tucker got painted by his brothers!
    I just read to Hayden and Tasha your quote about how every little boy needs someone to trust etc….. Hoping some insight would seep into Hayden as he has been beyond difficult, but to prove his irritable manner, he responded, good for those boys. Ugggggggg. I need a live in mentor! (would help if he did house work as well!)
    Hayden also makes me kiss him goodbuy miles away from camp. Of course tasha crawls all over me with kisses and love anywhere!
    Love you

    Reply

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