As I age, time becomes more precious, and more vibrant, as if I am suddenly stepping into my life in 3D. The anxiety I have been experiencing from feeling as though I am not doing enough to be successful, is beginning to soften, and something deeper is taking place and I am wanting to evaluate my self identity and this undeniable pull to simply be. Not the version of me who’s been helping make people feel connected for so long, but the creative, untamed version that’s truly me.
For the past 25 years, I have poured my heart into my boys and their father, living the life that I envisioned as a little girl. And, man, was I ever immersed with our three sweet and saucy little boys. But now, I feel called to return to myself and find out what makes me feel truly alive? And to make space for those answers, and dive into exploration.
Don’t get me wrong, work still matters a lot to me, it fills me up in many ways; challenging me, stretching my boundaries and capabilities and teaching me how to become a leader. But at 60, I’m less concerned with chasing a singular passion, and more curious about who I want to be in this world. What legacy I want to leave. What parts of myself I have yet to meet.
As Boyd Varty writes in The Lion Tracker’s Guide to Life:
“I don’t know where we’re going, but I know exactly how to get there.”
Those words have become a gentle guidepost for me. I may not know the exact destination, but I know that following what feels alive, what lights me up from the inside, is the way forward. It’s not about reinventing myself, it’s about reclaiming myself.
Visiting a Shaman
Last fall I drove over to Paonia to meet with a shamanic healer, Meghan Gilroy. I had a glimpse into Meghan’s work at The Center for Human Flourishing. The Executive Director of this organization, Rita Marsh, is an Aspen Business Connect member and has a mission to invite individuals and communities to engage in opportunities for growth that ignite the full potential of the human spirit.
The goal of integral health is far-reaching offering through the expansion of consciousness a flourishing of mind, body and spirit that when fully realized leads to an expansive and sustained health, happiness and wholeness for ourselves and for humankind.
The Center for Human Flourishing
Rita brings incredible healers to her space at Third Street Center and I had been wanting to sign up for one of these talks. The idea of going on a shamanic journey had always been intriguing to me and so I signed up for Meghan’s session. We sat in a circle in a large room, Mount Sopris looming majestically outside the window. The vibe was the opposite of what I’m accustomed to in Aspen, a much slower pace, earthy. The attendees wore little makeup and dressed for comfort, each with their own individual style. As we went around the circle introducing ourselves I discovered that one of the woman there, striking in appearance, lived in her van. No, not Aspen at all, which I found incredibly refreshing. It always amazes me that just 30 miles down the road lies Carbondale, Colorado, a town that is the antithesis of Aspen, at least for now.
Meghan led us on the journey and I can’t say that I had any visions, or met my spirit guides, or my spirit animal, but there was something about Meghan that sparked my curiosity and led me to get closer and signed up for a mini retreat at her ranch.
In this day and age, I realize that meeting with a shaman sounds incredibly pretentious, and yet my experience was so powerful that I’m owning it. In her early twenties Meaghan was named a “nagual woman” in the Toltec lineage by don Miguel Ruiz who wrote The Four Agreements.
“Nagual” means “formless, unseen” and when referring to a person, translates to “shaman” or “spiritual teacher and leader.” A shaman is the spiritual leader and healer of a community. While the word “shaman” originally comes from the indigenous peoples of Siberia, it was practiced under many names by our ancient ancestors all over the Earth – and continues to be today. It can be translated into “one who knows” or “one who sees in the dark” and shamanism is believed to be first and oldest healing modality and spiritual path on the planet.
Meghangilroy.com
After working with don Miguel for over a decade, Meghan dove into the world of women’s wisdom and women’s circles, weaving the divine feminine into her teachings and way of life. Her soul purpose is to guide women to remember and re-awaken their own ability to listen to their soul and weave the messages they receive into their everyday life.
I believe we all have shamanic, intuitive and psychic abilities that we often hide from ourselves and from the world.
Meghangilroy.com
I decided to schedule my mini retreat around my anniversary with my husband and make a romantic weekend out of it. I want to throw in that while there I also scheduled a massage with Dr. Erin Hilleary who has healed my body in the past from an accident I had while slipping on ice in Telluride in my ski boots. Upon leaving Erin’s building I bumped into Dominic Del Signore, founder of Homestead Circus. Dominic is a founding member of Aspen Business Connect and has fully embraced the network, forging numerous meaningful connections and leveraging every opportunity it offers. His warm and welcoming presence helps others to feel instantly at ease. When I told him that I just visited a shaman who officially had given me permission not to be a hustler, he stopped me mid-sentence. “Wait a second… YOU’RE not a hustler? Look at what you’ve built, that’s hustling.” Touché, Dominic. He made me realize that I should own who I am, somebody who tends to go after what I want, but only if I fully believe in my mission. Meghan helped me to realize that in order to not feel as though I’m hustling, I just need to move from my inner compass rather than a place of scarcity or need. Which, let’s be honest, means ditching the desk and getting outside more. Some of my best connections have happened in the field; on the trail, in the gondola, over après-ski conversations, and even at Whole Foods. So, instead of spending my time on spreadsheets and emails, I just need to get out there more and do the things I love.
Using my Influence
Last summer, I ran into an intern who worked with me back in 2018. We were at a birthday party on the backside of a mountain. He’s a good ole Southern boy, the kind who lights up a room with his humor and charm. During his internship, he was fearless, signing up for golf tournaments he was too young for and confidently asking to write a review on one of his favorite spots, Slow Groovin’. His parents were rightfully proud. He was clear on what he wanted, and he went after it.
At the party, he asked me if I knew the CIO of Ski Co. When I told him I didn’t, he looked genuinely surprised. He thought I knew everyone. At just 26, he was already determined to track the guy down. For a moment, I felt the weight of his disappointment, or maybe it was my own. That familiar voice crept in, whispering that I’m not doing enough.
The truth is, I don’t chase people based on their status, their wealth, or where they went to school. I’m not a bulldog. I’m a connector who moves through the world with curiosity, preferring things to unfold organically. But still, the doubt lingered.
And then came four hours with Meghan Gilroy. In that time, she gently led me back to a memory I’d long dismissed, what I thought was a minor moment of childhood hurt. But it was there, buried deep, shaping my self-identity in ways I hadn’t realized. What struck me was how seemingly small experiences can cause blocks so massive they color our entire sense of self. And yet, through Meghan’s guidance, I began to see a new path: one where I shift my mindset, view my inhibitions not as fixed traits but as puzzles to solve, and embrace challenges as opportunities.
She reminded me that when I stay in my flow, my way, not anyone else’s, I attract what I need. That my greatest currency is helping people connect. And maybe, just maybe, that’s enough. Actually, more than enough.
Get Curious
Its rough being an entrepreneur. One second you have aha moments and think you have it, and the next you are second guessing yourself. I know I’m good at connecting, but I’m good at other things too. I do find that the more I’m in it the more I’m feeling unappreciated and I’m reaching a place where I’m not sure what turns me on anymore. Another healer, Jacqui Horton of Soulight Therapies, helped me work through that. Taking one look at my colors she gave me some homework, “pay attention to what sparks jealousy or envy”. Instead of brushing those feelings aside, she told me to use them as a compass, a sign that I indeed do have passions and that there are things I deeply want for myself. By leaning into those emotions rather than resisting them, she assured me I’d gain clarity on my true desires and vision.
Self Identity
As we step into spring, let’s practice being who we want to be and shed the layers of limitation. Let’s embrace the expansive possibilities ahead. Jeff Patterson, Master Success Coach, and author of The Big Thing Effect, reminds us that our outer life can only rise to the level of our self-identity, most of which have hit an invisible ceiling. If things in your life feel stuck or stagnant, it may not be external circumstances holding you back, but rather an outdated version of yourself that has reached its limit.
So, what’s the bigger dream you’ve been holding onto? What if the only thing standing between you and that vision is the identity you’ve been unconsciously clinging to? Take a moment to imagine your life a few years from now, not as it is, but as you want it to be. See yourself thriving, fulfilled, and fully embodied in the life you desire. How does that version of you carry themselves? What do they believe about themselves that you don’t, yet?
The key is not just setting goals, but aligning your identity with who you wish to be, and the future you want to create. This season, let’s release the outdated narratives, step into our expansiveness, and claim the version of ourselves we are truly meant to be.
