The problem was that I was on my own island. I needed a team. My head was getting very cloudy from not knowing where I was heading with everything I had felt driven to build. Nine incredible conversations in 12 months, and I was spent. And still broke. The community loves my events, but I wasn’t receiving what I needed to continue, so I couldn’t clearly see where all this hard work was going.
With three teens and financial struggles made worse by bad health insurance, I took off to Mexico, and then to a private intensive retreat in L.A. with spiritual guide Aspen Decew, whom I met at an Aspen business luncheon. I was desperate for clarity. (The clarity came more quickly than I expected after a 24-hour bout with a violent Mexican bug.) I released myself from everything (my work, my responsibilities, my family), if only for ten days.
As I meet my edge with intensive one-on-one work, I’m also focusing on my health with better nutrition, less alcohol, more hikes up the Bowl and meditation both morning and night, intensifying the clearing of my mind to reach greater clarity.
L.A. La Life


The beauty lies in separating out the noise, which lets me slough off the thoughts that nag and pester. Why not get rid of the cause of those thoughts once and for all if they no longer serve me? And if they do need attending, I can deal with them from a place of intention rather than anxiety.
No lie, though: the transition isn’t smooth. There are long stretches spent lingering listlessly in a thick, cream-colored cloud, not entirely unfriendly as long as I stay comfortable in the not knowing. My dreams are of being lost and unsafe, unable to find my phone to call Wade and find my way back. With Aspen’s guidance, I’m growing more comfortable in the not knowing and trusting that if I stay focused, everything will soon align.
What helps me stay on course is being mindful of the beautiful changes unfolding. I couldn’t be reaching for greater heights on my own. We all need others to guide and elevate us to that place where negative thoughts become more sensible and less destructive, so more focused, exciting ideas can unfold.
Epiphanies are happening every third day since my intensive retreats with Aspen. Today I woke up still unclear about where I’m going or what my purpose is, but I’m no longer spiraling. I’m moving forward with an almost delusional idea that I can make a larger contribution to this world, and I’m trusting the Universe more as it shows me its comical and beautiful magic.
BUT, and here’s the secret key, you have to believe that if doors are opening, you’re on the right track. Don’t give in just because you can’t see it. Just feel it until it shows itself to you. It’s right at the edge of your vision and will click into place when you’re ready for it.






































































