Parenting a Thirteen-Year-Old Boy
March went out like a lamb, and it did: a soft, furry, adorable lamb, teasing us with snowstorms mixed with summer temperatures. But we roll with it here, breaking out our skis for the storms and our bikes for the warm spells. It’s all good if you love to play outside.
As my boys sprout up like a sped-up time-lapse of a flower growing, I’m thankful we live in a place that supports the outdoors. Otherwise, the newfound anger in my thirteen-year-old would sprout a set of horns on his head. As adorable as he still is, everything makes him sooo angry: when there’s none of his precious OJ in the fridge, or, worse and far more understandably, when I embarrass him by sticking my nose in his mouth to smell his breath at an outdoor concert. Yes, I know, he’s only 13, but I’m trying to steer him in the right direction, knowing he will teeter and occasionally veer off that straight and narrow path to manhood. Especially when that sweet, green smell of marijuana lingers like a low-flying cloud waiting to settle on any bored teenager looking for a little excitement. As the saying goes, “It is not what a teenager knows that worries his parents. It’s how he found out.”
After my son reprimanded me for being so embarrassing, Baddy told me to cool it a few notches, pointing out that there are more discreet ways to find out whether your child is testing his boundaries. I agree. I also know I need to trust my children and not worry so much. Where is that book that tells you how to be the perfect parent? I’m sure as heck not going to be the one to write it!
The other side of having teenagers is that their younger siblings start mimicking their behavior, cussing and being defiant. The other day our little one, who isn’t so little anymore, got upset and cried so hard he couldn’t breathe. His big brother coached him through it, telling him to take Darth Vader breaths, “like Mommy does.” And to think Mommy always called it pranayama breathing.
That same little one is becoming very stealthy in his mischief, trained by his older brothers when they want him to sneak something out of the kitchen. The other day he got in trouble when caught happily sucking on a lollipop… for breakfast. When asked why he thought it was OK to eat candy that early, he replied, “It restores my taste buds.” When Mommy ended up half choking, half spitting at the answer, he began to cry, turning the whole situation around to shift our focus from his naughty behavior and make us the bad guys. “It’s true,” he blurted out. “My taste buds burn out!” That one was so creative I had to let it go.
USASA Nationals 2013
Moving forward in our ever-evolving family dysfunction, we’re not staying in town for last call at Buttermilk on Sunday. Instead we’re packing up today to head to USASA Nationals at Copper Mountain, where Mommy’s Darth Vader breathing will intensify as our boys reach for the stars on their skis. We’ll let you know how it goes.
A Few Thoughts on Teenagers
- Teenagers express their burning desire to be different by dressing exactly alike.
- “Giving money and power to government is like giving whiskey and car keys to teenage boys.” — P.J. O’Rourke
- Having teenagers is often what undermines a parent’s belief in heredity.
